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love is...
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 love is... http://tinyurl.com/dask9q new CD/DVD available now in stores. get it at Target for only $9.99 woo-hoo or iTunes: http://tinyurl.com/dh4gr5 my comedy central special airs march 27th! stalk me: http://twitter.com/boburn ham read my blog: http://www.boburnham.com/ music and lyrics by bo burnham i love you like kings love queens like a gay geneticist loves designer jeans (genes). i need you like new orleans needs a drought like hitler's father needed to learn to pull out and i love you like a lawyer/mathematician wants some kind of proof and i love you like JFK wanted a car with a roof. cause love is taking a dive, then getting really comfortable and peeing in the pool and love is real life porn minus all the stuff that makes porn cool and love is a homeless guy searching for treasure in the middle of the rain and finding a bag of gold coins and slowly finding out that theyre all filled with chocolate and even though he's heartbroken he cant complain cause he was hungry in the first place. i love you like dora loves maps like the popes toilet loves holy craps i need you like a voyeur needs a branch like boys tossing salad needs a little bit of neverland ranch and i want you like all the gothic kids that look exactly the same never want to conform and i want you like anne frank wanted no one to read her fucking diary...cause a diary's a collection of secret things that no one is suppose to read thats the whole point of a diary. millions of people have breached this little girls privacy after she was chased by nazis kick her while she's down. and if we met in 10000bc i was your caveman youz my cavelady if we got hot we'd start rubbing if we got hungry we'd go clubbing theres wooly mammoths but i will protect us you're making me devolve to a homo-erectus and if we met in 1780 i was a white southern aristocratic plantation owner and you were my dark-skinned servant lady slave... whenever i could get away from the misses i'll go to your shed and then i'll steal you kisses but let's be serious i'd still work you full time as a slave theres a difference between romantic language and a complete disregard for socio-economic trends. and if we met in 1941 i was a nazi youz a gypsy on teh run.....thats a little redundant that...probably wouldnt've worked out. cause love is your favorite food for every breakfest, lunch and dinner and love is the holocaust except you dont die quick adn you dont get thinner and love is being the owner of the company that makes rape whistles and even though you started the company with good intentions trying to reduce the rate of rape, now you dont want to reduce them at all cause if the rape rate declines youll see an equal decline in whistle sales.... without rapists whos gonna buy your whistles love is all about whistles...
Date : 16 mars 2009 - 18:40:11
Tags : Comedy boburnham burnham comedy central standup stand song funny love woot poop
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